I can feel you judging me through the phone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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