Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
