I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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