college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
