Apparently you make a good broom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
