Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
