We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
