Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
