Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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