just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Farmville is her only friend.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Randomize
