you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You're like the curious george of whores
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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