If i come over, it means nothing
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The power of my boobs compel you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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