What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
