I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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