Yo dont text me then not text me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
