is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
