She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
