just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
