you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
