I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i think im in europe. pls send help
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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