its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh god it's open bar.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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