just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
