Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
