Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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