It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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