She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
