I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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