my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
