just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
