How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
