went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
