oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
