Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
