Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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