My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize