Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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