my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
