I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
