I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
