is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
