I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
