I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
