I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
