btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
