Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
