since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize