You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
