Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
