wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
