Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
