Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize