why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
