u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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