He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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