How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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