I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
