I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
