are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
