Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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