marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize