I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
