All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
