yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
40s are totally the cure
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize